So, another trusted leader falls. The press will have a field day. However, before they get too carried away, I hope they will examine the circumstances and realize how easily, in this technological age, the shoe could be on their foot (or perhaps has already been there).
As disastrous and disappointing as the news was about Governor Mark Sanford's affair today, I believe he will do a great service, to those who are smart enough to listen, in his incredible candor in this situation. I want to briefly also say that the liberals should not be too proud. Their leaders also fall, they just normally lie or connive their way out or just don't mention their failures at all. There are probably exceptions to this, but I haven't seen them. Conservatives tend to to feel the need to "own up" to wrong doing. And if they have a faith basis to their lives, they feel the need to ask forgiveness.
Mark Sanford's gift will be to help people recognize the inherent danger of the "anonymous" feel of cyber communications. His admission that what started as a simple "what would you do" conversation between peers, then had the opportunity to grow in connection when they realized that the geographical distance between them would allow them to open up in a way neither felt free to do in DC. So they opened up and shared a deeper and deeper friendship over time.
EVERYONE knows SOMEONE who said - "but they understand me so much better than my husband/wife. They really listen to me." Then, when need met opportunity or when need made them decide to create an opportunity, they took the irreversible step of taking their verbal intimacy to a physical level. Once you join with someone physically, one of two things happens. Either the bond and chemistry deepens, or the reality starts to set in. In this case, from Gov. Sanford's words and tone of voice, it seemed that the physical connection deepened the bond.
What was the first step in this downfall? Choosing to have intimate conversation with someone not his spouse. There are conversations and thoughts that belong only to your spouse and God. No one else. Once that line is crossed, it becomes extremely difficult to step back. People say it is like a drug addiction where that email conversation is no longer enough to fill the need. Then, the phone conversation is not enough, then the occasional meetings and casual touches are not enough, and so on. And at some point, just as with addiction, you hit bottom where nothing is satisfying that void...because a person is trying to fill it with something (someone) it was not made for. In this case, I believe that Mrs. Sanford discovered the affair before Governor Sanford hit bottom. So now he must reconcile in himself whether to hurt his "drug" or his wife or both. Everyone is ALWAYS hurt in these situations whether they deal with it with a "stiff upper lip" or not.
As always, the innocent parties are always the most hurt. In this case - 4 young men, the Sanfords' sons. What have they learned about keeping promises? What have they earned about public service? What have they learned about marriage being for life? Will they wonder why their mom wasn't good enough? How will they be cyber-bullied by those who love to see someone down or embarrassed?
Constituents, whether nationally or in South Carolina, will survive. The three adults involved will survive - battered and bruised, probably - but they will survive. It's the children who will have to learn how to deal with a father who made promises to their mother, and failed to keep them. Hopefully they will also get to learn what reconciliation looks like, and that it is possible to rise up after failure and do something worthwhile with your life.
Just a note - if you feel you need to get off the computer when a friend or coworker or spouse walks in the room - you probably shouldn't be doing whatever you were doing.
Also - please don't let one person's failure blind you to all that is going on in our gov't. PLEASE call your Senators and Congressional Representatives regarding Cap and Trade - vote being forced through this week - and Health Care Reform - also being pushed!!!
2 comments:
I am disappointed at Gov.Sandford for the destruction of his own career and violating the trust of his wife. In the press conference, he looked very sorry about the fact he had an affair and betraying his wife and family. He even said that he was disappointed with himself. I hope makes an effort to repair the wounds he has caused in his marriage. I hope his wife does give him a second chance and I hope that Sandford and his wife can work this out. Mistakes do happen, but its how we handle our mistakes after they happen that helps to define a person as a human being.
This is so sad. . . and like you point out, it's especially heartbreaking considering his children. That, and I think it will be even more of a challenge for there to be reconciliation and healing with the "in the fishbowl" reality of their lives.
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